Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!

A discussion: How To Have Sex (2023).

I had the privilege to go and watch a screening of How To Have Sex during its UK debut during the BFI London Film Festival and I was blown away with this film. Tackling thorny and often misconstrued ideas of consent and coercion at the backdrop of an all too familiar girls holiday.

Three British teenage girls go on a rites-of-passage holiday - drinking, clubbing and hooking up, in what should be the best summer of their lives. But when a night of hedonism turns sour, the protagonist, Mia, starts to question her experience, her friendships and her own future. Molly Manning Walker has managed to capture a highly kinetic, rapid story yet incorporate a slyly subversive social commentary surrounding the themes of sex, virginity and the ambivalence complexion of consent.

Trailer: How To Have Sex (2023)

Tara (Mia Mckenna-Bruce) and her mates are after one thing on this holiday; to have the holiday of a lifetime in the party town of Malia. Yet, there is one more quest for Tara that the other two girls can’t get enough of. After one horrendous alcohol-fuelled evening, Tara finds herself on the balcony, recovering from last night. She notices a goofy looking fellow party-goer, who we grow to learn is called Badger (obviously). He senses Tara’s loneliness and desperation to get the 'act of sex' out of the way and begins to pursue. However, manages a million different ways to put himself in the friend zone. Which is when we meet Paddy. Paddy is Badger’s sexier yet discourteous friend that catches the eye of Tara, and as they take a drunken walk on the beach together, things do not go the way Tara imagined her first time to go. But as the situation with Paddy progresses, the exact nature of their shared experience begins to feel questionable to Tara as she starts to unravel the ambiguity of sex and what it means to truly consent to such an intimate act.

This film is a much-needed conversation starter regarding the grey areas of sexual consent and sexual assault that drink and party culture as a whole tends to not want to discuss. The two sex scenes that are shown involve some level of abuse of power and manipulation, with one unequivocally defined as rape. And what makes these scenes so truly terrifying to watch just how quotidian they feel to the audience. The experiences that Tara had in this film are not far away from the haunting experiences that many young people have in clubs and on holidays today and to say that this film is purely about consent and rape is an understatement. It questions what consent means in a world so obsessed with the word. If you say no, is it rape? What if you just don’t say yes? Is that then consensual? What happens when you’re asleep and you couldn’t decide what you wanted to do? What happens when you're drunk? It wasn't what you wanted, even though you never said no? Is that rape?

I found parts of this movie incredibly uncomfortable in the most brilliant ways. Society needs to see that rape isn’t always this violent, brutal attack. And, that it can start out being something that you want to do, but if it becomes something you aren't enjoying, and it does not stop, or you are not aware of it happening, then it is sexual assault. One of the most poignant scenes in the film is at the airport as the girls are about to return back to the UK. Tara, still silent in her hardship struggles to hold back her emotions. When she confides in her friend, Em, who notices a change in behaviours from Tara, she just wants to bury this experience and move on, an all too familiar experience for many women and girls who have experienced any situation familiar to this one. So often, we stay silent in these situations because of the uncomfortable nature around consent. British drinking and party culture have only made it harder to understand the cruciality of consent and the importance of speaking about sex with any potential intimate partners.

Mia McKenna Bruce is the stand-out performance, evoking a hurt and helplessness that makes your ‘big sister’ radar switch on immediately. McKenna-Bruce manages to encapsulate the young, inexperienced but pressured girl who wants to get it over and done with so her friends get off her back. I was so impressed by this performance, I truly was riveted by her performance.

What a debut from Molly Manning Walker. I was enthralled from the start, and I can't wait to see what Manning Walker does next. It is essential, and heartbreaking, but so pertinent in our culture today it has never been more important to discuss these themes.

If you can, go and see this movie. You will not regret it.

Kate x